Home Sweet Couch?

So I'm back at home for now. Time confuses me sometimes. I was so looking forward to being home, lounging on the couch and eating everything in sight. Somehow I don't really feel at home though, probably because my sister took everything (including my bed) out of our room and put it in storage. I don't really *live* in my dorm, my shit is just temporarily there while I'm in school. I always thought I lived here with my family, but now I live on their couch.
I'm using a fitted sheet for a blanket. This is funny because as a kid, ummmm... even as an adult... I had this bizarre fear of things crawling under my blanket. Mostly I'm worried about spiders and things like that. Because of this irrational fear, I would always tuck my sheets under my feet and all around me. With this fitted sheet, I don't even have to do that! It just curls under me and stays there, thanks for assisting me in controlling my strange childhood fears sheet elastic! At least something made me feel at home.

So I haven't ever been to a rave. I always thought EW HAPPY PEOPLE IN A BIG PLACE? What could be worse than LOTS of people with all of them imposing their happiness upon you? Well I think it might be a little fun now that I've met the other one. We're going to TAO on New Year's Eve. I'm very excited about this because I loooovveee dressing up. So of course I've ordered a new outfit from LipService and some tubular crin to make my own cyberlox. Wheee! Lots of pictures to come, I promise. For now I'll show you the crin I bought!
Color Chart provided by I Kick Shins.


Maybe I'll get super into it and publish a cyberlox tutorial. Honestly that is kind of boring because they seem to be reeeallly easy to make.

So what's up with all the other goths apparently hating cybers? I wouldn't consider myself one, but goddamn I love their outfits almost as much as I love my corsets and long victorian skirts. I mean I really do not give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me, that much is clear I'm sure. Are they annoying or something? I mean I realize that they aren't very gothy. Maybe that's it. But if you're going to a rave or a club and it's going to be about crazy outfits and electronic music... Why not have some crazy futuristic alien tube hair? It's fun. And I hate everyone who ruins fun.

I'm still not into the whole super happy life changing gathering of e-tards, but I love dancing and I love music. Here's hoping it will be as fun as I want it to be.

In other news, I hate being far away from important people in my life. I hate ALWAYS being in this position. I wonder why I do this to myself, why I worry, why I fear things that aren't real. All of this is some sick product of my disproportionate and malfunctioning brain chemicals. Anxiety for the sake of it, and I've accepted this as a quirk of my own. I don't know what else it can be, but it affects every aspect of my life and it makes me tired. So give me some GABA, some serotonin, and for god's sake someone get rid of all my norepinephrine!

OH GOD. I might die.

Finals are horrible. I haven't posted in a long time, and I figure this is pretty decent therapy when I'm stressed.
So, I found the other one! Well, he found me. Turns out I'm not totally alone in this little self created dark corner at UCSB. I'm very excited to share all kinds of music, literature, and fun with a fellow goth =^_^= we're so hard to come by :\
Anyway I didn't get out of my Physics final until 10:30, and I really couldn't sleep until 2. I suppose all I can do is picture the end, and somehow will my brain to work in between.
I really don't belong here. It is so painfully obvious. I'm incredibly jealous of all of my friends who are going abroad. I can't afford it for multiple reasons. I would love to go to Germany, or maybe Ireland. Alas, there is really no room for a study abroad with my major if I want to get any kind of research done. Research is why I sent myself to this awful place, so it would be very silly to give that up. I'm hoping that I'll just be able to travel on my own once I graduate.
I wish I could deliver with some awesome and insightful post right now, but my brain is trying to gear out of Physics and into Organic Chemistry.... So English is totally lost on me right now. I'm so stressed out. I might die.

Apologies for being very uninteresting today.

Post-Halloween Blues

Halloween was quite lovely. I spent most of it with close friends, just hanging out and enjoying the engaging conversation in costume. If you MUST know, I was slave Princess Leia this year.



The costume was a hit among my few friends, and I really loved it. Unfortunately I live in a complete cultural wasteland, as proven by the barrage of questions yelled at me. The most facepalm inducing and drunkenly slurred inquiries included "What movie are you from again?" and "Hey! Gladiator Slut!". It upsets me that so few people could recognize such a pop culture icon; I guess I should have been an animal slut or Lady Gaga if I wanted to be recognized.

Even though my school is full of feckless airheads, I can't help but imagine how much more fun Halloween would be if the out-of-towners couldn't weasel their way into my neighborhood. Then again, giving false directions is really a blast. When I heard "Where is Firebird's or Freebird's or whatever?" and "How do I get to Del Playa?" all I could think of was how this useless directionally challenged day tripper and their cohort RUINS my Isla Vista Halloween every year. This train of thought always brought me to tell them that Freebird's doesn't exist, or that Del Playa works just like the train platform in Harry Potter, and one can only get there by running off the cliffs as fast as possible. I don't think anyone followed my directions exactly... How Unfortunate.

On Thursday evening I intended to participate in the zombie, but run but I was sidetracked by the overwhelming pain and congestion of my nasty sinus infection. Fortunately, I did get to scare the living daylights out of some poor soul who wandered into the kitchenette while I was making soup >:) Bahahaha! I think I make a pretty spooky zombie schoolgirl. Lolz when she said she wanted brains, everyone thought she meant an education! I wonder how horrifying it would be to suddenly sustain a bite from a rabid human...
















My little brother was Gordon Freeman from Halflife 2, so adorable

Alright Alright... I couldn't wait.

Halloween approaches! I am thrilled as always, and Halloween has been my favorite evening of the year for as long as I can remember. I miss Trick-or-Treating quite a bit though. Apparently you can't get away with that when you're 20. The last time I went Trick-or-Treating, I was dressed as a winter fairy and I had a wonderful time. I could tell that I was getting on in the years, and that it would be in my best interest to lay the tradition to rest after I was invited into the house of a much older gentleman who seemed to have unsettling intentions. The perversity of the world goes by totally unnoticed by the young, and I often wish I could look at the world the way I did when I was young. UCSB is infamous for its incredible and ridiculous Halloween debauchery. Of course as a Freshmen I looked forward to this, as a long time Halloween lover. I put on my fabulous costume, into which I had poured weeks of effort, only to discover in disappointment that the general uniform of the Santa Barbara Halloween girl consisted of a bra, cheeky panties, an animal headband, and some fairy wings. I wandered around for hours, wading my way through 30,000+ people on Del Playa in a haze of boredom. Crowds are impressive, but they make me uncomfortable. It wasn't too long before I was groped by a stranger (likely someone from out of town) and decided to call it a night. A very uninteresting and incredibly disappointing night.

I considered not going out this year, and opting to go home and give out candy in costume instead of facing the lecherous crowds of drunken creepers and douchebag frat boys who basically took a huge shit on my favorite holiday. Finally I decided to give it another go, settled on a costume, and lined up a few parties.I won't disclose who I will masquerade as just yet; I prefer to leave that as a surprise!
Tonight begins the festivities of Halloween in IV. I will be participating in a Zombie Run on the 6500 block of Del Playa. I think I will portray a zombie school girl. It should be pretty fun, but I've learned to assume that people will ruin anything that sounds fun. Hopefully there will be lots of townies to terrify!

Now for some reviewing.
Usually I am nothing short of irritated when goth becomes the pet interest of the fashion industry, but of course that is a terribly immature way to think. Now that I'm a bit more mature and secure in my sense of style, I have grown to appreciate trends that appear a bit darker than most. If anything, I'm quite flattered! Anyway, apparently dark lips are a big hit this fall. Of course, I haven't seen anyone else sporting them (as I always do) but this presents the rare opportunity to buy quality black lipstick.

As soon as I could, I ordered a tube of MAC Black Knight. Mmmmm! Have you ever seen anything so lovely? I was thrilled! I am pleased to say that I am LOVING it thus far, and highly recommend it for daily use. It has fantastic staying power (especially when used with a long wearing lip liner), and just the precise amount of shine.

Up close with artificial light, followed by natural light (ahhh it burns!). Ignore the complete lack of makeup on the rest of my face :(
Agghhh I need a better camera so that I can really do this.. grrrr... my half birthday was just a few weeks ago?

Back?

Well, it has been a while since I posted anything. Truthfully I forgot about this blog thing entirely. News is boring and no one follows this blog anyway. I'm thinking that I will turn it into something a little different. Given that people with interests similar to my own are so rare around here, I have decided to turn this into a place to share. I will try to include musings, music, fashion, my life, and other tidbits that excite that darker place in me.
Unfortunately I need to work on a lab report at the moment... Procrastination is not very becoming I'm afraid. I will be back to work on this project soon enough!

Feeling weird.

Hmmm, I've been feeling very strange lately. As finals approach, I have been totally throwing myself at the books. Staying up until 2 and 3 am just studying. In between I've felt detached, uninteresting, and distant. My boyfriend has been very stressed out and busy lately too, and I think that is further aggravating my condition.
I went to go see Watchmen last night, and I absolutely adored it. A few alterations were made to the plot, but they were actually not too drastic and I felt that the new ended actually updated some of the themes and messages. I am hoping to go to Comic Con this year, but when I think about it... I find myself feeling stressed out? I want to go, but the thought of crowds and attention makes my stomach turn. I love making costumes and dressing up, but I'm not really sure about this year. Ideally I would work on a Silk Spectre I costume. However, I'm not sure that I want to deal with it. Chances are there will be hundreds of Silk Spectres there -_- either I need to think of something more original, or just scrub the whole thing. Ugh, whatever. The last thing I need is another thing in the future to worry about...

Insomnia strikes again...

I hate the smell of rotting ramen. Seriously, I think it is probably the single worst smell that ever happened. I'm too lazy and tired to take the trash out, especially considering that housekeeping comes in about 12 hours. I have early class tomorrow, so my roommates can enjoy it all morning while I'm gone. I'm an awful person, teehee.
Anyway, pretty lame week. Finals are sneaking up on me, but I still have one midterm to go (asshole). I've been studying pretty hard between bouts of napping and brooding, which are two things that I could be an Olympic competitor in. It's raining outside presently, which just turned my mood around *almost* entirely... It's kind of ruining the usually dismal mood of my blogthing though. I was thankfully able to stock up again on candied ginger and earl gray, nomnom. I also bought these amazing cookies with maple cream filling. Freaking delicious mouthgasm. Apparently blogger's spellcheck recognizes mouthgasm as a word, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I feel the need to rant about people who talk in study rooms, and the general idiocy of people. I have a lot of work to do. I know that reading is really hard for some people, and really I'm sorry that you have like so much reading for philosophy omg, but please shut the fuck up and actually DO IT. I do NOT care what he was like and what she was like. I do NOT care how gross it was, nor do I care how cute he was. Your inceassant text message key clicking with your perfectly manicured nails is impossibly irritating. Sometimes I can close my eyes and imagine that that clicking sound might really be the crackling of skin as it blisters and fries in the sun, because really that image is the only thing that explains your aboninable shade of tan-orange. The one positive thing I can see is maybe oneday soon you'll lose the use of your fingers due to dabiliting advanced carpal tunnel syndrome. Your gum smacking and tiffany bracelet clinking makes me yearn to be deaf. All I want to do is study, and do you know why? BECAUSE THIS IS A GODDAMN STUDY ROOM YOU USELESS TIMELEECH.
This situation happens everywhere, all over. In my lounge, in the study rooms, in the library, in the university center, in the elevator, in the dining commons, IN CLASS. Fuck you, orange clinky bracelet unnatural blonde clone. Grow some respect for your fellow students, and then immediately afterwards please grow a personality. Nothing sends me into a spiraling depression faster than monotony.