Friday, December 18, 2009

Home Sweet Couch?

So I'm back at home for now. Time confuses me sometimes. I was so looking forward to being home, lounging on the couch and eating everything in sight. Somehow I don't really feel at home though, probably because my sister took everything (including my bed) out of our room and put it in storage. I don't really *live* in my dorm, my shit is just temporarily there while I'm in school. I always thought I lived here with my family, but now I live on their couch.
I'm using a fitted sheet for a blanket. This is funny because as a kid, ummmm... even as an adult... I had this bizarre fear of things crawling under my blanket. Mostly I'm worried about spiders and things like that. Because of this irrational fear, I would always tuck my sheets under my feet and all around me. With this fitted sheet, I don't even have to do that! It just curls under me and stays there, thanks for assisting me in controlling my strange childhood fears sheet elastic! At least something made me feel at home.

So I haven't ever been to a rave. I always thought EW HAPPY PEOPLE IN A BIG PLACE? What could be worse than LOTS of people with all of them imposing their happiness upon you? Well I think it might be a little fun now that I've met the other one. We're going to TAO on New Year's Eve. I'm very excited about this because I loooovveee dressing up. So of course I've ordered a new outfit from LipService and some tubular crin to make my own cyberlox. Wheee! Lots of pictures to come, I promise. For now I'll show you the crin I bought!
Color Chart provided by I Kick Shins.

Maybe I'll get super into it and publish a cyberlox tutorial. Honestly that is kind of boring because they seem to be reeeallly easy to make.

So what's up with all the other goths apparently hating cybers? I wouldn't consider myself one, but goddamn I love their outfits almost as much as I love my corsets and long victorian skirts. I mean I really do not give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me, that much is clear I'm sure. Are they annoying or something? I mean I realize that they aren't very gothy. Maybe that's it. But if you're going to a rave or a club and it's going to be about crazy outfits and electronic music... Why not have some crazy futuristic alien tube hair? It's fun. And I hate everyone who ruins fun.

I'm still not into the whole super happy life changing gathering of e-tards, but I love dancing and I love music. Here's hoping it will be as fun as I want it to be.

In other news, I hate being far away from important people in my life. I hate ALWAYS being in this position. I wonder why I do this to myself, why I worry, why I fear things that aren't real. All of this is some sick product of my disproportionate and malfunctioning brain chemicals. Anxiety for the sake of it, and I've accepted this as a quirk of my own. I don't know what else it can be, but it affects every aspect of my life and it makes me tired. So give me some GABA, some serotonin, and for god's sake someone get rid of all my norepinephrine!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

OH GOD. I might die.

Finals are horrible. I haven't posted in a long time, and I figure this is pretty decent therapy when I'm stressed.
So, I found the other one! Well, he found me. Turns out I'm not totally alone in this little self created dark corner at UCSB. I'm very excited to share all kinds of music, literature, and fun with a fellow goth =^_^= we're so hard to come by :\
Anyway I didn't get out of my Physics final until 10:30, and I really couldn't sleep until 2. I suppose all I can do is picture the end, and somehow will my brain to work in between.
I really don't belong here. It is so painfully obvious. I'm incredibly jealous of all of my friends who are going abroad. I can't afford it for multiple reasons. I would love to go to Germany, or maybe Ireland. Alas, there is really no room for a study abroad with my major if I want to get any kind of research done. Research is why I sent myself to this awful place, so it would be very silly to give that up. I'm hoping that I'll just be able to travel on my own once I graduate.
I wish I could deliver with some awesome and insightful post right now, but my brain is trying to gear out of Physics and into Organic Chemistry.... So English is totally lost on me right now. I'm so stressed out. I might die.

Apologies for being very uninteresting today.