Sunday, January 30, 2011

Gothic Beauty

This stunning image from Gothic Beauty is how I picture myself in my dreams. I love it to pieces. This is Queen Deirdre of the Octopi, mysterious nocturnal creature of untold power and intelligence. *sigh* Oneday I'll be her. Coping with my depression has been so difficult. I wish it wasn't there anymore. Then I can be that Deirdre.


Etsy Shop

My Etsy shop! Finally posted an item.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


My DeviantArt. Check it out I guess.

Anyway, I'm so tired from this last week. It was absolutely the worst. I had the flu first of all, and then Hexe got kicked out of Perfect Puppy Academy on our first day. She managed to attack the cutest puppy in the room as soon as we got there. Dylan got in the way and Hexe accidentally bit him :( He's ok now though.
Jesus Hexe is a funny dog. She loves me desperately and takes forever to warm up to everyone else. I kind of love it. She has problems with other dogs and I have problems with other people. Two peas in a misanthropic pod. <3 Hexe I secretly (not so secretly anymore) want wings like these tattooed on my back. I probably won't do it though.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

New Piercing, and cool virophage!

So yesterday I was really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hadn't left the house in ages and had been barely surviving off of soup, coffee, and adderall. I decided to go on an adventure with Jen, my roommate.
We went to precious slut on a whim and I got my stupid belly button pierced. What a silly idea. I love it.

Also I found this incredibly cool article about a virophage, an actual virus of another giant virus! So fascinating, evolutionarily and what not.

Read about it here.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Jewelry and Candles

Ok, so. I make jewelry and candles. The jewelry is badass and the candles have fallen by the wayside. I'm thinking of starting to sell all these bracelets.I have an Etsy shop. I also have a website for the candles here. I designed it myself but there's nothing there.
Story of my life.
Lots of hidden talent to show and all the framework required to be great. And yet here I am, still struggling to keep my head above water. WTF is a biologist undergraduate doing trying to sell bracelets that no one else will like?

Agh. Well I'm planning on getting a nice photographer, but until then here are a few pictures. I have like 27 bracelets. I would like some feedback.Here's the full Facebook album

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

If you try hard enough, you can't succeed

So I thought I was over this flu thing I had. It caused me to sleep feverishly for two days with no recollection of what happened. Surprisingly this was not, on this occasion, due to alcohol consumption; I concluded I was ill.
So I fucking missed sharklab, where we were going to dissect a shark for parasites. I was furious, so I stayed up all night studying and shit (like this blog).
Today I return triumphantly to lab.... and promptly vomit 3 times and my TA asks me to go home. Fantastic. I have now also broken out into hives. I briefly considered taking pictures of them, then I realized that might be pretty weird.

So instead, I was amused by this:

Professor X's Rate my Prof

Off to an early bed to shake this wretched disease. GRRRAAAHHHFWHBGEEKHBG wrath.

Monday, January 24, 2011

All Nighter: Part Two

Alright, I owe any current and future readers an apology for not updating my adventures through summer and Fall quarter. I will take this post to briefly enlighten and provide a few insights from the experience.

After a gnarly suicide attempt in August, I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward for a week. They tweaked my meds and it was a weird experience to which I will refer from time to time. I drew this while I was in there:

I got out and my doctor wrote me a prescription for a Psychiatric Service Dog. Crazy idea, but so far it is working. Read the IAmA for the full explanation.

I'll include moar pics for the sake of cuteness.

In the summer, shortly after Baele left, I got a new tattoo! Of the octopus I always am in my dreams. It's on my right hipbone.

I was mostly depressed and alone and focusing on therapy throughout Fall quarter, which I took off. But it was not a total loss. Dylan and I saw Combichrist and I met Joe Letz! Quite the gentlemen.

I also got the dumbest goddamned car that ever existed. I bought it from this chick who had it painted HOT PINK and couldn't sell it. It's a 99 Volvo s80 and I got it for only $1500 so I could care less what color it is. Thankfully I have already tricked it out with a Cthulhu Fishy and some choice Sanrio stickers. Anyway I drive this fucking thing. No shit:

Now I am a fulltime student again with classes and lab while being overmedicated and without enough therapeutic care.
So that's me these days.
And now a word from favorite lab subject this week:


All Nighter: Part One

So last week I had a disastrous all nighter. It was astonishingly productive mind you, but ultimately irresponsible. The next evening I had a panic attack when I tried to sleep and then a fever came and I slept for 2 FUCKING DAYS with no recollection of anything except people giving me water and sprawling on the bathroom floor. Anyway I don't know if it was a fever flu thing or what, but my curious mind wants to know. And so I am performing another test as we speak. I am all better from the "fever" now and am trying to pull off a successful all nighter to determine whether my mystery "fever" was related.

Um and also because I got behind on work... and Starcraft2.

So my sleeping pill is currently making we feel ridiculous as I take my morning stimulants. Goodness me, I am loopy.

So far I have rehabilitated my blog to please my therapist and possibly my sanity, and come up with a great idea to write a 15 page paper on for Parasitology. More to come on that.

On the subject of loopyness, here is my newest piercing!

Welcome Rook!

Here's everything you wanted... Now do it!

And don't let us down!

That's how I feel about school right now. But I'm finally back working in the lab. I wish so much that there was a decent Goth scene in Santa Barbara.

I don't know... With Baele gone I'm just alone around here and I need my morbidity fix. Maybe that will help. I need to find a show to go to soon perhaps to liven my soul a bit. Presently it is bleak and self doubtful per usual.

The medications continue to suppress my appetite and it worries me from time to time. My jeans don't fit anymore. Nothing really does...

We know so little about the world around us and even inside of us. Lately that fascination has been enough to distract me from my "dark passenger".


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Ok here fine. Some past and present news in IAmA form

I made the front page of reddit D:

And also I has a dog =^_^= Hexe


My life got more insane since I last used this blog. Too much news to catch up on so from now on I'll consider this a fresh start. Here I am. Deirdre the overly medicated overly diagnosed mess of a college woman. This is my blog. Therapist says I ought to keep one. Sarcasm ensues.


So right now I'm sitting on my bed next to my books trying to calm down about how much catching up I need to do. I was quite ill this week unfortunately. I've learned a lot this week though. About life and death and zergling rush defense strategies. I made the front page of reddit. Hexe (my dog) is now e-famous. How precious.

The daylight continues to bore the shit out of me.

Alright, I'm off to read a whole lot about Eukaryotes and Parasites. Here's a pst on our CCS Bio blog that I made today: Read it